We don’t live in a society that allows us to go easy. We are told that we have to hustle and we have to attain and acquire and accomplish 24/7 and when you’ve done enough of that, THEN you can rest. Then it’s enough and you’ve earned the right to go easy. We’ve tied our worth to what we can produce and I don’t think we’ve ever really looked at why we still do that in this day and age. It’s also always stuck me that we have this weird dynamic where we idolize people like Kim K. who do absolutely nothing of legitimate value, yet we put pressure on the single parents who can barely afford to put food on the table to do more. We have a standard that it’s ok for some people to be innately valuable while others need to earn their worth, and we redefine who is worthy on a daily basis. And the unfortunate truth is that we are the ones who will have to rewrite what that looks like.
Many people, especially the people pleasers, live under the impression that they even have to earn time with other people. They feel the compulsive need to find acceptance in nearly everyone they meet, whether that is a trauma response or a different compulsion. They won’t go easy on themselves because if they make one mistake they fear it means rejection from the whole. And society feeds into that. There are people who prey on other people like that. They use them for their own purposes and let them go. We are trained to do this because we are taught there is more value in things than there is in people. We’ve created these societal rules that dictate who is worthy based on an image.
We need to remember the universal truth which is we are all inherently valuable and worthy. We all deserve a fulfilling and purposeful life—not a life of frivolous waste and nonsense, but a life of priority, passion, and purpose. Just existing allows for that and we get to decide what it looks like. The idea that we need to earn our stripes so to speak, that we need to earn our way every day while we allow others to be handed their path is where the standard needs to stop. And that stops with each of us, first individually, then collectively. The more we set the standard that there is no prerequisite for life, the easier it becomes to express who we are.
Start shifting the mindset from lack and believing you haven’t done enough to acceptance. Understand that you’ve done your best and start asking yourself questions like, “Have I set realistic goals or standards in the first place?” If you haven’t then it’s time to re-evaluate. Then you can move on to other questions like, “Am I really working toward what I want or what I’m told to want?” And then the real toughies like, “Am I aligned with what I really want?” and “Am I surrounded by people who support me on this journey?” Not everyone is on your team, that is simply a fact. Once you have done the inner work and then created a supportive environment, you will create the ease you’ve been looking for. It will come naturally and you will see it isn’t an earned state: it is a state of being available to all of us.
So be a rebel. Take the time to be yourself and love yourself and don’t let others tell you what you’re capable of or what you should be doing. Don’t let others tell you what you’ve earned. Your capacity to achieve is great but don’t waste it on letting someone else tell you when you’ve done enough or earned enough. Learn to set the standards for yourself. Be who you are meant to be. It IS safe to dip into ease as long as you can shut out the noise from other people questioning you. The truth is they probably wish they could do the same. Rewrite the story of your life and be who you are meant to be. Go easy with abandon and live your life on your terms.