I’ve had this romantic notion about waking up in my life, of finding who I am, of a sudden epiphany of what needs to be done. Please don’t mistake me, I have actually had some beautifully connected moments in my life. I’ve experienced things that are nothing short of intuition, love, and divine action. Yet, I thought this awakening and those moments of epiphany would stay with me forever. I never knew the amount of work that went into that connection and being fully who I am. It feels more like keeping my head above water than floating on water most days. Was I looking for easy? Not really, but I didn’t anticipate this hard either. And I guess at the end of the day, nothing worthwhile will come for free. Even if we are speaking energetically, the act of aligning is painful because we have to give up what we thought we know in exchange for truth. THERE is the crux of it. We can’t live in the world of distraction and the world of connection simultaneously.
Through any change it is only human nature to continue to look for familiarity because subconsciously that is where we are safe. Not only is it comfortable, it is what we associate with safety. The act of awakening is safe but it is anything but comfortable. It is pretty violent if we are honest. It requires nothing short of razing what we know and getting to the foundation again and then rebuilding. Yes, I stand by what I said—it is safe to do so and it is necessary. If we continue on repeating the patterns we know then we will miss out on the greatest opportunities we may have. I’m 100% guilty of falling back into it; I convinced myself to stay distracted with envy and jealousy and fear because that is familiar ground. I convinced myself that I needed to commit to the prescribed pattern because it is known.
I know many of us repeat patterns because it’s what we know. But what happens when we try to wear those old jeans from high school? At first we laugh because the idea of putting them on seems hilarious. We may get a little bit of anger in there as we look at the changes we have gone through. We see they don’t fit anymore, and more importantly, we feel they don’t fit anymore. We have a sudden realization that we aren’t that version of ourselves anymore. And the question becomes do we really want to be that version again? So why do we try to repeat patterns when they are no longer us? I mean, if you still fit in your high school jeans, kudos, but is that who you really are? Have you grown in other ways? We are more than the measure of our pants as we are more than the measure of our thoughts from 10 years ago, or the thoughts from our family. We are meant to grow.
So when it comes to trying to live in two worlds, we wouldn’t split the roots of a plant between two pots with the stem still in tact. It would never survive. And we can’t survive either. I mean, we can keep it going for a while and many of us wear multiple hats anyway. But I’m talking about actually thriving and growing. We can’t do that if we are caught between two ideas of what we should be doing. If we want connection, we must give up distraction including the thoughts of, “I have to do this,” or, “I should be doing that.” We need to stay present. I’m not saying ignore your obligations, but I am asking does the worry help us get through what we need to do any faster? No.
Back to the awakening. This is the next step. If we want to remember those moments of connection, we have to keep them going. It’s not about being right or wrong, it’s about being with the feeling of wholeness in who we are and being content with that. That is all we need to do. Still, easier said than done, I know. Giving up what we think we know in exchange for the truth is the only way to make it happen. I don’t claim to be there yet, but I know it’s true. I know it’s true because as I mentioned earlier, I have been connected before. I have seen guidance and I have taken it as often as I’ve been stubborn and gone my own way. I know what it feels like to feel supported and to know I’m taking the rights steps and I know how good it feels. Yes, the awakening may hurt, but the result is something I know is worth every ounce of pain.