It Isn’t Flowing

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I’m having a moment of writer’s block.  I have tons of prompts and the words just aren’t coming.  My mind is straying with the other things I need to be doing to get ready for the holiday and I’m spinning out a tiny bit.  It isn’t unmanageable by any means, it’s just frustrating.  There are distractions all over between the house, my family, the animals, the things I want to do to make the holiday special…all of it.  And the creativity that I normally tap into seems barren at the moment.  Or is it because I’m demanding the creativity right in this moment when I’ve allotted the time for it?  I’ve been baking and decorating and cleaning and organizing and all sorts of other creative projects—but this creativity for my expression isn’t coming when I need it. 

I spent some time beating myself up and then I decided to share about not being able to tap into what I need to do.  This isn’t a time to push, this is a time to be honest.  This is a time to sit with what I’m feeling and think about why I can’t get into what I’m trying to do.  There is something in me stopping me from focusing on what I want to be doing.  Some long repressed belief trying to peek through?  Like maybe I don’t deserve to do what I want to do.  And suddenly I’m feeling like all I want to do is slipping away.  the ground beneath me doesn’t feel stable and I’m questioning what I really want.  Trying to keep all of these balls in the air has been too much for too long and I’m losing sight on what I really wanted in the first place.  Throwing darts and seeing where they land isn’t cutting it any more. 

I know this.  But at the same time this fear and anxiety isn’t helping to get things moving.  So I have to give in and relax.  I have to allow whatever this is to happen.  I guess it’s time to get in the present moment and get really honest.  Stop loving a dream and start being who I am.  It’s also about recognizing that this is simply a moment.  The fear and anxiety will pass.  I will get back on track and all will flow again.  We aren’t in normal circumstances right now.  

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