Today I am grateful for time. There is so much potential with time. We can make what we want of it and decide what we want it to look like. It’s the most valuable currency we will ever have. I struggled most of my life with a fear of time (and I still have anxiety around it) because I was always acutely aware of the finality of it—it is a truly non-renewable resource. So I have been trying to focus better on HOW I spend my time rather than how MUCH time I have. It puts more meaning into the moments we have and forces us to make better choices on how we spend our time. Once you have that appreciation for it, you look at time differently.
Today I am grateful for memories. I will admit that I had an unhealthy relationship with my past for a long time. I clung to physical clutter to always remind me of a time that I held up on a pedestal. I tried to find ways to re-create what I felt then because I felt safe in a lot of ways. I mean, as I really look at it, I felt safe throughout all of that trauma because of my parents, but they did a really good job keeping me as happy as they knew how throughout a lot of crap. There is a lot of emotional attachment to them because of that but also to the things we shared that I’ve held onto. And I am appreciative of that time, what they did for me, and of putting it in a new context that I know what I want to do for my son. I am grateful to give back to them and to hold onto some tradition while creating my own.
Today I am grateful for acceptance. I spent some time at my parents house today with my sister and we were separating and dividing some of the Christmas stuff we’ve accumulated over the years. Working our way through decades of family history and working to split up our shared history showed me how differently we view our past. The same items from the same time have an entirely different meaning to us. We talked about moving on and allowing our family to be who they are and the challenges that come with that. We each have this idea of what we want the family to look like and how we want to feel, but we have to allow each other to be who they are.
Today I am grateful for slowing down. We kept today simple. My son and I went to the store, we went to my parents house, we talked with some friends for a bit, and then my husband and I made dinner together. There is so much more value in presence than in pushing and we need to be mindful of when we need to slow down and when we need to push through. Daylight Savings Time ended this weekend and the light goes away much sooner so we are all slowing down with the weather, as the season is changing again. It is the season of going within and reflecting on all we’ve done and letting the seeds we’ve planted for next year begin to sprout.
Today I’m grateful for love. My son just ran up to me and said he wanted a hug and when I only was able to put one arm around him he looked at me and said, “No, mommy, I want a two armed hug.” So I did and he goes, “Yes, that’s how I like my hugs.” It melted my heart. I love this age, this time with him because he is constantly reminding me to be present with him. He reminds me to settle down and pay attention and he is curious about everything. I love the reminder to explore curiosity.
Today I am grateful to understand what it means to do things for the sake of doing them. I went out with the neighbors last night and we went shopping for the holidays. We talked and laughed and just had conversation. Yes, I was able to accomplish something but it wasn’t about that. It was about being together and laughing and not fixating on the same things over and over again. It was about connecting and taking a break to create some space for myself that wasn’t totally about DOING. It was just about BEING with each other and spending time together.
Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead!