Sunday Gratitude

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Today I am grateful to give into a little sloth.  My body has been craving rest on an unusual level and I don’t know if I’m fighting a cold, but I slept in until 7AM today and took a nap at 12:30PM.  It felt great.  There are times when you absolutely need to listen to what your body is telling you, not to mention your mind.  I’ve been stressed and trying to find any way out of it, and what I really needed was to stop and feel my way through it to identify the source of the need for constant movement.  I had to sit with the fear and the discomfort and yes, I had to let go of my need to control, and let my body and mind get what they needed.

Today I am grateful for a little playfulness.  I spent some time connecting with my son again and playing with his favorite tactile action figures.  He asked me to slide down the stairs on my butt with him and we laughed so hard…and my son looked at me and said, “I love it when you laugh.”  My heart melted.  I guess the laughter has been a bit short to come by lately. We took a trip to the pet store to find some supplements for the dog.  I randomly bought her a cookie and seeing her eat it was hilarious.  We sat and watched the game together.  Just a bunch of mindless activities to disconnect from the swirling thoughts.

Today I am grateful for indulgence.  I’ve been stressed and restricting myself and then not eating the healthiest because I want something quick.  Today, I continued the theme of listening to my body and I gave into what I wanted.  And as it goes, when I gave in, the craving immediately went away.  Now, I’m not professing always giving in, but there IS a time for it.  When you’re stressed and not thinking straight, it doesn’t help to put additional pressure on yourself.

Today I am grateful to recalibrate and connect with myself.  Today is Mental Health Day and I’ve shared plenty of stories about my struggles with anxiety and self-harm.  Part of mental health is acceptance.  As challenging as it is because we have such a “normative” forcing/pushing society (meaning we are expected to all be “normal”), the more we discuss that the “norm” is really that everyone struggles at times, the more we can break the stigma and heal—and create a new norm.  I have accepted that I have struggles and that what is normal for me isn’t normal for everyone else.  I’ve taken time to rest, to nourish, to indulge, to perform self-care, and to be silly.  THAT is what I needed today. 

Today I am grateful for taking the next steps in my life emotionally.  I’ve been fighting with my husband quite a bit lately because I’ve been spinning stories about how he is and how he feels about me in my head.  I was honestly close to calling it quits.  I had a major breakthrough yesterday (the anniversary of my grandmother’s birth) and recognized that what I need isn’t necessarily fixing—it is healing.  In order for me to move forward, I have to heal.  That means honesty, no longer hiding who I am and what I want, it means releasing guilt over what I want.  It means being authentic at all times.  And it means not putting my issues on other people or being dependent on others to fulfill my lack.

Today I am grateful to check myself.  Part of the breakthrough is understanding what is mine and what isn’t.  For example, I’ve been afraid of “disappointing” my boss again in spite of knowing that it was inappropriate for her to say that in the first place.  I’m concerned because my son is sick and I don’t want to have to call out tomorrow.  But I have decided that I can no longer carry that burden—I need to make sure my son is ok and I need to do what is right for my family—and for myself. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.      

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