We create conflict when we know things have to change but we behave in the old ways. For me, it feels like a tear in my brain because my mind struggles to reconcile the need for new behavior while performing the old ones. This is something that went through my head the other day while discussing some changes at work, and it hit me like a lightening bolt. We often discuss the desire and need to change but we don’t do anything about it. We want to change but we don’t want to do anything differently in our lives. In a corporate environment, it’s even more challenging to reconcile the two because they expect new behavior but they don’t give you the tools to execute and then punish you for not performing.
I started looking at what is happening in my personal life as well. I’m in a beautiful new home and I’m working toward a more self-sufficient lifestyle yet I am still reliant on my job and the current system. I’m terrified to let go because I’m not able to cut all ties yet and my mind struggles with that because I know in order to be successful with my next steps I have to dive all in, but it isn’t ready to sustain me yet. I struggle because I want to spend time with my son but I also need to keep moving on my own work. We all do things that contradict each other and it is really difficult to break that habit.
I want to speak about having clear lines and boundaries but this goes deeper than that. I’m working on focusing more on what I can do for others rather than what will make others like me and that means not always being available for what someone thinks they need me to do. But when it comes to fueling a new lifestyle, we really do straddle the line—at least I know I do. We live for a time with one foot in each world, one we know and one full of possibility. We know change requires the big leap, but we also know there needs to be a level of stability before we take that leap. Even typing this gives me anxiety because I know I’m not a full example of practicing what I preach and I struggle, thinking it makes me a hypocrite. After all, it was the hypocrisy in the corporate world that triggered me. Perhaps it just gives us common ground because we all do what we have to do to get where we need to go…
I’ve spoken often of faith and I still whole-heartedly believe that the paths we are meant to take will be fully supported. When you’re taking aligned action, you can leap and there will always be someone there to catch you. But I will acknowledge the fear that comes up when we are contrasting two different worlds, one of possibility and one we need to sustain us in the mean time. I want to know why we live in a world that says every opportunity is available to us but consistently puts blocks in place to keep us on the same path. We have categorized and placed value on certain things people do and have written off certain ventures as unworthy. So what choice do people have but to do what everyone else does? We are social animals, we don’t want to be ostracized but we are also spiritual beings and we know we are meant for more.
My gut is that we are meant to destroy ancient systems and beliefs about how the world works. It used to take centuries for people to believe things differently, but in this day and age, not only do we know what is possible, we are able to create the means to do it. Beyond that we have the means to spread the message globally. All of the inflation and demand and forced scarcity is a tactic to funnel our resources when in reality there is more than enough for everyone. We are meant to be an example of a different way and we are meant to lay the old beliefs to rest. We are meant to value people more than the system, we are meant to protect people over the system. Consumerism is great until there aren’t any people left or until you price them out. People are long lasting—there will always be a population here. But we can no longer straddle two worlds.