“Remember some things have to end for better things to begin,” via mindset therapy. I’m a clinger. I hold tightly to the things and people I love and I love it when things go according to the story I’ve told myself about how it “should” be. We all like to be right and we all like it when things go our way. But as I spoke about yesterday, it isn’t always meant to go our way—we are all part of a divine plan. This means respecting the ebb and flow of life and knowing that nothing is permanent. The very fixture of life is founded on change all the way to our DNA. We aren’t meant to stay the same. If we aren’t in a fixed state as individuals, no one is. And the world is certainly dynamic as well.
As a society we are trained to believe that ending is synonymous with negative. Our primal brain still picks up on change as a dangerous thing. But ending isn’t always a loss. Sometimes it’s a restructuring to get us to something or somewhere better. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years this year and it was only in the last few years when I got really honest about my own evolution and where I want to be that I saw how much I had to let go. I had to let go of the idea of who I was and accept who I am. I also had to let go of the idea of who my husband was and respect who he is. Most importantly, I had to give up the IDEA of who I wanted him to be. I had to question what kind of life I wanted and how we could build it together. The scariest part was accepting that the life I wanted to build may not agree with his vision of what he wanted for himself.
When you have a long term partnership you learn to rely on the other person and you often create expectations about who they are. Not only that, but you expect them to be consistent and always be that way. But as I said, life is dynamic and if we experience a desire for something new, a change in ourselves, then we have to offer the space and grace for other people to do the same. The truth is you won’t always end up on the same page. It’s just a matter of how those differences shape where you want to go.
On any journey you have to evaluate where you are and where you want to go—that’s a repeated theme here. But it never starts externally. Our lives aren’t some trip we plan out where we pack what we need and buy our tickets for a specific time frame. All we can control is our response while we are headed in a certain direction. My relationship with my husband has ended a million times. We are not who we were 20 years ago. It was painful to stay in that space because there was so much more out there for us as individuals and for us together. I used to fight to get him to see things from my point of view so that way we would be working toward the same things. But that wasn’t fair to either of us. It wasn’t until I let go and started working on my own journey that I learned where I was really going. I learned to accept his journey as well.
While we innately fear endings because of the uncertainty it poses, an ending is ALWAYS the beginning of something else. There is incredible freedom in that. Ending doesn’t mean death, it means completion. It means we are graduating and moving to the next level. Some people choose to stay where they are at—and that is fine. But for our own sanity and to fulfill our purpose in life, we need to continue forward. It’s all choice. But if you want growth, you have to learn to let go of what no longer serves whether it is a habit or even some relationships. What is certain is that whatever we are willing to give up opens the door for something else. And what is meant to be ours will always find its way to us. All we can do is make room and enjoy the ride.