Today I am grateful for my body. I put myself through the wringer this weekend for no other reason than I got caught up in the moment. I’m human and I made some bad decisions and my body is definitely not used to that. I didn’t do anything to excess but I still did more than I should have. I literally heard my mind telling me two things at the same time: do it and don’t do it and all the while the logical portion of my brain was trying to tell me to make the right decision. The point through all this vagueness is that my body is resilient even if the mind is still weak in some areas and I am grateful to make better choices.
Today I am grateful for my health and the health of my family. Simply put, the most valuable asset we have is our health and it is up to us to invest in that as often and as much as possible. I strive to be a better example of that for my family. My husband and I have been together for so long that it’s really easy for us to fall into old patterns of the things we used to do when we were kids—but we are no longer 17 years old. We are so fortunate that we have the ability to make healthier decisions and the means to actual live a healthier lifestyle—there are no more excuses.
Today I am grateful for slowing down. I have been pushing at a pace that I can’t keep up with, doing things I don’t really want to be doing. My mind is always somewhere else and never where I am. I have been driving myself crazy trying to do everything all at once on top of getting the new house set up. I’ve spoken to a couple of people who have been in their homes for over a year and they still have boxes of stuff and we have only been here three weeks. My compulsion has been really bad and we are nearly done setting up but I’ve been fixating on “getting done” for the last three weeks. I have been so scatter brained that I’ve forgotten everything from my phone to my water to the letters we needed to update our information all in the process of using these things. I have no choice but to slow down because the self-inflicted chaos is now making its way into other areas. I woke up today and I know I need to take a real break.
Today I am grateful for my mind. I know I just mentioned how scatter-brained I’ve been but I need to express gratitude for the fact that I’m still able to function. It may not be at the level I want (and I truly do have issues following conversations now because I’m so unfocused) but I have a mind that is constantly keeping me moving and helping me work things out. I need to give it credit for pushing me through as much as it has. It has held on and continued to stay with me to the best of its ability. It’s just tired now.
Today I am grateful for the pause—again. I’ve had a few revelations over the last few weeks, many of which I’ve shared. Mainly I’ve realized how I need to reprioritize what is really important to me and that I need to stick with what I’ve said I will do. I know I’m not alone when I say being in the middle of transition isn’t easy because there are still facets you need from your old life because the fledgling start of your new life isn’t strong enough to hold on yet, it hasn’t taken root. At the same time, I know I can do more but I’m torn because there are only so many hours in the day and I don’t want to lose time with my son or my family. So I’ve been floundering, dipping my toes in, and trying to find a way to have it all at once. A 9-5, a side business, time with my son, my husband, and still fit in self-care. I know something has to give but it isn’t an easy decision. So I’m taking my time and I’m going to become more strategic. It isn’t an all or none, it is a matter of going after what needs to come first.
Today I am grateful to communicate. I’ve been feeling really off and overwhelmed lately and I haven’t been the easiest person to be around. I know exactly where it has been coming from. While I haven’t been able to curb all of my outbursts, I am proud I’ve been able to communicate that I know where the issue really comes from. I’m actually thrilled by the change of moving to this house, but I’m truly uncomfortable that I’m not settled yet. I know it’s only been three weeks so I’m trying to stay level, I’m just overwhelmed by the amount that we still have to do. I guess that is all part of home ownership and I’m willing to take it. I just have to learn to adapt. Until then all I can do is continue to express where my discomfort lies and try to be more accommodating and accepting of what is going on.
Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead