“Say no when yes is a lie,” Brooke Castillo. Following up on the discussion about focusing on your life and how things become clear, I felt this quote fit in perfectly for a quick discussion. I feel this is the first step in learning how to change your focus. Start asking yourself what feels good. If it doesn’t resonate then it’s ok to say no. If you say yes and feel like it isn’t genuine then say no. It doesn’t matter if you feel obligated for any reason—if it isn’t for you and if it doesn’t work for you then say no.
For socially anxious people it can be challenging because you are always focusing on what other people may think and what their reaction is going to be. But the art of connecting with your authenticity is a far better guide than whatever anyone tells you. And no matter what, it is absolutely ok to say no when you need to.
I think it’s important to understand that it doesn’t have to be big things, either. If someone comes into your office while you’re in the middle of something and they’re asking for help with something, or if they just want to chat and you don’t have time, explaining you don’t have time is a form of saying no. Saying yes to giving energy and time you don’t have is a lie because you don’t have the energy to give. And that is FINE. We aren’t meant to be on all the time and we aren’t designed to give all the time—we have to fill our own cups as well.
It’s also important to know the opposite of the quote as well—we need to learn to say yes to what is important to us. If it seems like an opportunity we want to take then say YES. Don’t hesitate. Take the opportunity when it presents itself and don’t worry if it isn’t what was expected. If it feels right and it crosses your path, it was meant to be. It is for you. Hint: anything that doesn’t feel right is probably not in alignment with your goals.
The ability to say yes or no largely depends on how in tune we are with our personal barometer of what we are trying to achieve. The more self-awareness we have, the easier it is to distinguish what we actually want, and THAT is what makes all the difference in the world. Being in tune with what really matters is our guide to knowing what is a lie and what isn’t. It’s up to us to remain truthful to ourselves.