Attention and Growth

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“The universe is giving you signs in your conversations, in music you listen to, in the clouds.  Pay attention to them and piece them together.  You will notice a pattern.” Via Awoken Shit.  I wrote the other day about victimhood and I felt this naturally went along with it.  How often I’ve played the victim was more often the result of me not paying attention.  I’ve allowed myself to be so wrapped up in my little world that I never took the time to really interpret what the universe was telling me.  Believe me, that is EXACTLY what I thought I was doing, but that was not the case.  I was telling myself the story I wanted to hear.  Even when I got signs contrary to what I was asking for, I would comfortably fall into the pattern of, “Woe is me, I’m not going to get what I want.” And then stamp my feet finding a way to bend the world to my will. 

As I mentioned, I definitely grew up in an environment where I learned to play the victim very early on.  Between home, work, and school, all three seemed to take pity if I felt I couldn’t do something as long as I was very, very good at what I could do.  I can’t change a damn thing now, but I do find myself wondering what would have happened had I been taught to go with the flow and learn to interpret what was around me rather than making it what I wanted it to be.  What would have happened if I had just noticed the pattern of what I was being shown? 

What I want to do now is learn to pay attention.  Quite frankly, it goes against every instinct I have.  It involves turning down the damn voice in my head so well rooted in its own path.  It involves doing more listening than talking.  None of that is impossible, but my thoughts are anxiety driven so they don’t quiet down so easily.  My sister taught me an exercise for this which involved creating a room in my head with a lot of lights and when things started getting too much, I began to turn the lights off to turn off some of the thoughts.  I have always known that quieting those monsters is the first step toward hearing the truth.  The next step is listening.  Then acting on what we learn. 

There is empowerment in understanding the signs.  In hearing what we are meant to do and following through on it.  It doesn’t pay to pretend we have no say in what’s happening.  I’ve noticed how much I don’t pay attention.  The same is true for all of us.  The signs truly are there, all around us.  If you choose to ignore them, you are a victim of your own choices.  But we are able to choose differently.  We can always look at things differently.     

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