I’ve been having a crisis of conscience because I’m not 100% sure on what steps to take next. I’ve been faking it and I keep hearing this overwhelming voice screaming at me, “Get your shit together.” I haven’t been faking it in regards to what I have been saying, that is all true. But I’ve been faking going through it because it’s still only halfway—I still have a household to support so I’m afraid to completely jump. I’m scared to step out of my comfort zone even as much as I hate it, as much as I know I need to get out of here. It’s stifling to all the facets of growth and change I’ve been discussing. Sometimes life truly does present us with a crossroads where we can either choose the path we thought we wanted or we can choose the unknown. The reality is that we don’t know what is down either path, whether it is known or not.
Control makes us feel like we have some say, some power in what happens in our lives. I’m not saying we are powerless, far from it, but there are also things set in motion by the universe that we have little say over. Natural events, daily living in the society we have created, all of those things have a toll on us and impact how we are able to move on our own paths. So with all of those variables, how could we possibly know what comes next? We can’t.
I don’t know how to let go. And how can I give people advice on letting go and being authentic if I can’t stick with that myself? I’ve let things happen in my life, things I thought I wanted and then when they happened, I realized that I don’t really want it at all. I’ve taken actions knowing the potential risks or results of them and then when they happened, I’ve felt victimized. I know I’m not alone in that, but it is the first time I’m seeing how truly selfish that is. It’s not selfish in the sense of personal gain, but it’s selfish in that you’re not letting your true potential be unleashed—you’re holding a gift back from the world.
A few months ago I talked about the relief I felt knowing that the next steps in my life will be my choice and that will decide which way I go, the results will be from my own actions and I know that I need to pause all the distraction. Learn to be still—which I’ve never been good at. In being still, we can connect with what we really want and who we really are.
It’s about leaning in because what we want won’t magically appear. I know that makes me anxious, thinking about what I want and then not seeing it happen. Today’s vibe of the day said, “what belongs to you will effortlessly flow into your life. Instead of worrying about how, just relax and be in a deserving state to receive.” In short, rather than fake it, let go. Stop trying to be and just be—let the energy of what you are trying to become naturally. It’s also time to sit with it and not get lost in it—feel it, but don’t be it. Let the healing happen and trust that the answers are coming. Nothing has to happen in this second—so be patient, figure it out, and then move.