Where We Are

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We took time at work today to discuss where we are at emotionally.  We’ve had one conversation like this before (I wrote about it a few weeks ago) and this time around it felt different.  The discussion amazed me because each of us views where we are at so radically different and we are on entirely different levels.  People deal with trauma differently and part of our group is dealing with it head on while the others are immersing themselves in work.  I see now, more than ever, that people are losing it and no one knows what to do next.  We are at our max—there is nothing else to give.  And it’s frustrating because we can speak this truth to all levels in our hospital and NOTHING is being done about it. 

We can no longer pretend our current state is normal.  We are being expected to behave as if this is normal and we are clinging to the idea that we can make this normal again.  We are being told to take precautions and that we can’t do certain things but we are expected to go about our lives as we always did—our mind has been in this sustained state of duality for too long and people aren’t able to cope with this any longer.  We aren’t designed to function like that.

On par with people losing it, I overheard a discussion in the lunchroom from other employees talking about how people who wear masks in their car alone are so stupid.  I’ll admit I struggled with that at first too because it seemed so unnecessary.  But two things: 1. There may be circumstances why someone needs to wear a mask in the car; maybe they share the car with an immunocompromised person or maybe they’re making a quick trip to the store; or maybe they’re so tired they forgot to take it off.  You don’t know what the hell someone is going through, so be kind.  What may seem silly to you may be necessary to them.  2. No matter what the reason they’re wearing the mask—it isn’t anyone’s business and it has 0 impact on other people, specifically you.   

We have lost all sense of what is really important and fixate on everything from an egocentric point of view.  We immerse and insert ourselves in other people’s lives and preach our opinions as truth (which they are—to each of us respectively) and criticize those who don’t live the way we do.  We spend time deflecting what we are really feeling and put it on other people like it’s their job to fix what is in us.  We are quick to place responsibility but slow to take it—even if it is for our own actions.  We look for power and control in every place we can when we feel weak or out of control in our own lives.  And people feel weak right now 

Right now I’m in a situation where people don’t want to take accountability because they’ve taken enough responsibility.  Right now they need support because they have given their all and aren’t able to sustain it any more.  They’re not given support if they don’t do exactly what they’re told and sometimes what they’re told is contrary to what they know needs to be done.  When you are in an environment that no longer suits you or that makes demands that you are no longer comfortable or able to meet, then it is time to consider what you are doing.

This year is about reinforcing boundaries and honoring what works for us.  Whether you’ve made that a goal or not, we are being pushed in that direction.  We can no longer treat each other as commodities or like our sole goal is to make money.  Our minds, souls, and bodies are calling us in a different direction, no matter how small the signs.  It is ok to let things fall apart because from that rubble we can rebuild something more honest. If it no longer serves, then follow your own path. That is enough to rebuild something honest for yourself.

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