Saviors and Authenticity

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“Maybe right now your journey is about you. Maybe this is the season you are being challenged to be your own savior, to be your own safe place.”  Vibe of the Day

Reading this quote today made me instantly feel both peaceful and completely terrified.  Though we logically know we are responsible for saving ourselves, sometimes we get caught up in old mindsets and start looking for people to “save” us whether it is helping us get out of a situation or simply agreeing that we’ve had a string of bad luck.  We can’t always rely on other people–we have to learn to be our own guides. So I felt peaceful seeing this because it was a reminder of inner strength.

I felt terrified because I’ve never been sure I could save myself.  I still struggle to believe that I have the ability to get myself out (or even through) the situations I put myself in.  I felt sad because it is so lonely being this way.  I’m not necessarily looking for someone to rescue me but it would be nice to know without any doubt that someone has my back.  The irony of it all is that I am so controlling I rarely reach out for help—and I still fear that I won’t be able to help myself in spite of always taking care of myself.  I control my days so carefully that I simply don’t take the risks that would cause an issue.

Perhaps the way to really look at this is there is empowerment in having my own back.  It helps build authenticity navigating through life and working it out.  So, in spite of any fear or doubt, in order to move forward on this journey, I have to let go and trust that I will make it as I always have.  Lean into the discomfort of uncertainty and have faith—and do what I am called to do.  Next steps, new steps, first steps—whatever you call them they all feel shaky at first.  But we get stronger the more we keep going.

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