Today I am grateful for my health. I haven’t been feeling the greatest lately—my anxiety has been high and I’ve felt on edge for no reason. I’ve been especially hard on myself and I have been pushing and pushing and I appreciate that my body has been putting up with my shenanigans for the last few months. I am alive, I have my health, I have my purpose.
Today I am grateful for how tired I feel. I put in a ton of work today, fixing things around the house, painting, taping to get ready to paint, prepping walls, laundry, meal prep, organizing my laundry room, and taking care of my son in the process. I am grateful because I was able to do all of these things. Just last night my anxiety was so high I didn’t fall asleep until after 3AM. I woke up at 7AM and I jumped in to everything that needed to be done choosing to not wallow in the horrible feelings from the night before.
Today I am grateful that time slowed down for me. I’ve been going 110 miles an hour for the last few weeks trying to get everything done and I thought it was making me efficient and proactive—accomplished even. All it was doing was increasing my anxiety and reaffirming my control issues and my inability to truly relax. Not sleeping last night threw me for a loop but I was able to focus on one thing at a time today and I feel like I accomplished more than I have been.
Today I am grateful for my son and his constant reminders to let go and have fun. He has acquired my love for books and he has been begging me to spend time with him at the book store (I got to pick up a few more books this weekend) and to read him stories. Honestly, it’s one of my favorite things in the world. He helped me sand some walls and he helped me pull up tape and he helped me bake some chocolate chip banana bread yesterday as well as some roasted chick peas today. This kid has an endless curiosity (as most kids do) and I am so fortunate to witness his process as he figures out the world. It is pure joy.
Today I am grateful for a weekend of learning to assert myself and taking the time to do the things I needed to do. I’ve been allowing myself too much leeway to float through decisions that needed to be done. At the same time I’ve been too rigid about how things need to look in order for me to move forward…with anything. I’ve felt like I was having a mental breakdown this week so I took some time this weekend to decide that I wanted to really cook and prepare for the week; normally I only prepare breakfast and lunch for myself but this week I added in snacks, a healthy dessert, and some sides as well. It may have been routine but after the week that just passed, I needed small bits of familiarity that I could change as I saw fit.
Today I am grateful for self-care. This evening I knew I needed some time to decompress and relax. I took a wonderful shower—without my child busting into the room like the Kool Aid man—and I even got to do some skin care after. Self-care doesn’t always look like that for me but I needed something to rein in the anxiety. I needed to connect with my body in order to ground myself. And it was wonderful. I even did a little foot massage at the end to reinforce the grounding.
Today I am grateful for the week ahead. I have more stories to share, I get to explore new avenues for my work, and I am taking steps to actively participate in my life. I try to be cognizant of that most days, but I have gotten swept up the last few weeks so I am setting the intention tonight to continue to be patient with myself, to stay present, to joyfully make decisions, and to work with what comes my way.
Have a wonderful week!