Today I am grateful for the small splurges in life. I went to the store with my son and found a pair of shorts for less than $5 so I bought them. It was in that moment that I felt the most connected to myself in a long while. A stupid pair of $5 shorts. I asked myself if I wanted them, I did, so I acted. I’m not saying I needed to be materialistic to connect to myself, but I was able to recognize what I wanted in the moment and to go for it. With everything that is going on right now, we need to learn to connect with our inner voice.
Today I am grateful to shift roles in my family. My parents have recently suffered a loss of a pet and they’ve been struggling with their choice. One of my sisters and I have been talking with them and we were able to help them shift to a place of acceptance. The missed the companionship of their pet (who was 18 years old) and wanted to bring that back. I went with them to the shelter and they adopted an 8 year old partially blind cat. It kept me centered in the moment to help them through that.
Today I am grateful to understand the dynamics of my family a little more. To piggy back on helping my parents and my shifting relationship with them, I spent some time with my sister this weekend as it was my niece’s birthday. She talked to me about some of her long-held feelings about my relationship with my parents and we had a dialogue about it. It’s those conversations where you realize you’re more similar than you are different, especially as you’re cut from the same cloth. It also woke me up to the fact that some of the feelings I thought we had long ago resolved were still pressing for her.
Today I am grateful to be learning more about my next steps and my place in the world. I feel my work evolving, my opinions quieting, and my need for facts changing. I find my tone changing as well and that is so necessary right now. Now is all about reflection and doing the work.
Today I am grateful to pay more attention to what needs to be done on my side of the court as it relates to my personal life, my public life, and my professional life. I’ve been struggling with who I am. The conversation with my sister actually brought a lot of that up for me because I spent so much time trying to make other people happy that I never found myself. In doing that, I never formed a solid foundation for who I am. Right now, I have feelings that make my stance very clear and I no longer feel the need to perform. I have struggles and I am ok admitting to them because that ownership takes you to healing.
Today I am grateful to open up. I took some time to prep for the week and to clean but we also spent a lot of time together as a family. I feel like I opened up to a state of allowing. At the beginning of the week I felt myself being pulled by the current and I was fighting it—but today I went with it. And no matter how many times that happens to me, I am always amazed at the reminder of how well things go when you are in a state of flow. No control. Just going with it.
Today I am grateful for reality checks. There is a lot of work I need to do to get to where I want to be. While outside forces may have contributed to me not getting there sooner, I can no longer hide behind the fact that I need to take a stand and to do the work. I’ve managed to tow the line that allowed me to simultaneously be productive while not getting there. Now it has been made very clear that in order to get where I want to be, it can’t be a half-hearted effort—I need to be all in. There is only one shot at this and now is the time. It’s ok to trust the sign when it comes: take the leap.
Today I am grateful for the annoyances I feel. They mean there is opportunity for me to make changes. They mean there is opportunity for me to let go more and to get in flow. And honestly, to have annoyances means that there is privilege. I am alive and I have choices that I can do something with. This is something I don’t take for granted any longer. There is no place for that. We all have to use our talents, our gifts for what we are meant to do. That is our responsibility. To recognize that is a gift.