Prisoner or Pioneer

hallway with window

Photo by Jimmy Chan on

There is so much potential in life.  To capture that momentum, you need to realize a few things: 1. If you want to change anything-for any reason-you need to take ownership of your decisions.  You are not a victim of circumstance: you have the power to change where you’re at.  It’s far simpler than we allow ourselves to believe.  2. When you want to change your life, you have to change the way you think, period.  Taking ownership means pausing in the situation and not reacting in the same way. Deepak Chopra says, “You can be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”  3. Clarity and a healthy relationship with your mind is key to everything.  Knowing who you are allows you to set boundaries, goals, and gives you a sense of purpose.

It is difficult to remove ourselves from the trenches of deeply and long engrained thought patterns.  But it all starts with the choice to change.  The choice that it is no longer enough to repeat patterns mindlessly. The choice to listen to the voice inside that says, “I will not settle.”  I made the choice that I no longer wanted to live my life under someone else’s thumb.  I am learning to be my own savior, a pioneer.

As a child, I did exactly as I was told and struggled to find any sort of creative outlet lest it interfere with what someone else needed me to do.  I’ve been with my husband for 18 years and I understand now that in our youth, I had fully expected him to complete me.  In my career, I still find myself seeking the approval and the reassurance that I am doing a good job or that I’m doing the right thing.  I still feel like a fledgling in so many ways and it’s difficult to break that pattern.  It took me this long to realize that that behavior put me in the passenger seat in my life.  It took me even longer to realize I didn’t want to be there.

I feel so much potential, especially as we enter the new decade, to really redefine my old habits and patterns and to make this life what I want it to be.  I feel that potential for everyone.  There is so much discontent floating around the world right now that people are searching for meaning.  They are starting to realize that the answers they need are inside of them.  I felt it myself.  Within that discontent, I felt the stirring of hope.  I feel with everything in me that huge, amazing changes are coming.

I can’t see what the future holds but I have a deep faith that we are all headed in a different direction.  For me the little moments are adding up more and more.  This weekend while I was baking all of my Christmas cookies, I made the decision to just go with it.  Knowing that it would all get done kept me going.  Seeing my son so happy to bake with me, to sit with me, to put up a tree with me totally reminded me of my purpose and my intention to start my business.  I am going to do this work so I can spend time with him and create a better life for all of us.  It reminded me to pay attention to what matters.

So, the things that matter: 1. My family.  In spite of any issues with my husband, we are connected and I love him.  If he isn’t happy or if we ultimately can’t be together we will deal with it.  But I CHOOSE to see the good in him, in what he tried to do.  I CHOOSE to work with him.  I PRAY he meets me at my level so we can excel in life together.  I PRAY I learn what I am meant to learn from him.  I BELIEVE we are meant to work through this but I will ALLOW what is unfolding to happen.  1A. My son is an unbelievable gift. I want to make him happy.  I want to give him all the love I can.  I want him to know how fiercely he is loved and supported.  2. My health.  I’m taking the time to let go of the bad habits and making my body a healthier organism.  I’m listening to my physical and mental needs and trying to let go of control, perfectionism, and fear.  I am honoring my worth and will only accept the best in my life.  3.  My career.  Not a job, but the work I love doing. My writing, this blog, my voice.  Helping others.  Allowing myself to be who I am.  Letting what was hidden out and making moves to be in alignment with my authentic self.  4.  Physical space.  I am learning what I really need and what I can purge to create a space that makes me happy with things that are needed and serve a purpose.

It’s a start and it is work that I am going to continue into the new decade.  I used to think that once we were a certain way, that was it forever.  I never understood how much say we had in the matter.  For all of those moments that don’t feel quite right or when you feel yourself agitated or angry—LISTEN.  Those are the moments that are guiding you toward your authentic self.  We don’t have to take huge, radical leaps to make a change in our lives.  Sometimes it’s just admitting to ourselves what we really want.  Sometimes it’s going in a slightly different direction every day until you find what works.  But it always starts with making the decision.  And that is all the power you need.

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