When we begin the journey through change, we are inevitably faced with the challenge of following the accepted path, the “norm” and behaving as normal or defining ourselves. “Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly” Charles Addams. This thought is KEY to creating and manifesting. I have read feedback about the idea along the lines that it’s sad but I think that is a surface level opinion and doesn’t reflect the essence of what it’s saying. While there is an ineluctable sentiment surrounding the quote, it’s also a matter of perspective. Quite simply, we can stop living as the fly and learn to live our lives as the spider. Create your own world.
On a simpler level, don’t be afraid to live your life as you see fit. In this day and age with all of the e resources we have available, there is no reason to force yourself to fit into anyone’s box. Your normal may only seem chaotic to someone else but it is perfectly right for you. Your job isn’t to make other people feel comfortable with your choices. Your job is to live your life in a way that feels right for you—while not harming others.
I’m not trying to promote anarchy or lack of responsibility. I am suggesting that we find the things we want to be responsible for and work as hard as we can to create a life doing the things we love. I am also suggesting that we start looking at what works for us as a whole. The card I drew tonight was “When I truly surrender my desires to the universe a mighty force of faith can set in” Gabby Bernstein, Super-Attractor deck. When I align these two thoughts, I find a beautiful parallel.
I see this as admitting what we truly want, the crux of our desires, the fulfillment of our identities to the universe without preamble, hesitation, or fear. Giving up the idea that we have to be a certain way in order to be perceived as good, as successful, as worthy, as deserving, as right in favor of being right for ourselves. When we live our lives with concern for the opinions of others, our lives do not truly belong to us.
This holiday weekend opened me up to a new normal for myself. Usually I get stuck in the pomp and circumstance of the holidays in favor of tradition. Allowing myself to break down what the holiday means to me in terms of spending time with my family and learning to love them for who they are let me simply exist in the moment and love the time with them. I relaxed and listened and we came to an agreement about what we would be doing for our next get together without having to own the entire thing. Being part of a family is being part of a unit and that means working with them and accepting their opinions as part of the deal.
A large part of my identity is controlling the circumstances around me to make it be what I want. I did it in an effort show my love and share my appreciation for them. The control pushed a lot of people away and took away from my time to enjoy because they still did what they wanted to regardless. So, incorporating the lessons I’ve been working on, I was able to step back and control what I could—myself. And it felt good being the person I really wanted to be.
Which brings me to the final part of this message: we can always change what normal is in our lives. If something isn’t working or if it doesn’t fit with what we want to do, then we absolutely have the ability and the responsibility to change what we are doing until it is right. It’s about making choices that work for us, that are aligned with the people we are (or want to be). We define what is normal in our lives as much as we define who we are. And our natural state of creative expression is normal–living in the same box and trying to be the same person to fit in is not. Be who you are meant to be.