I had a lengthy, eloquent, and honest post that I wanted to share tonight about some of the concerns I’ve been having with a family member. Regardless of their validity or my need to vent, I realized that it is my choice to continue to fixate on it. It’s hard for me because I tend to be an emotionally volatile person and I definitely go with what I am feeling. I know this isn’t a healthy practice and it has impacted my relationships in many ways.
After a lot of thought and internal conversation, I knew that posting this work wouldn’t achieve anything. I had to look at this situation another way. Choosing to focus on the positive changes everything. I realized how lucky I am to have this person in my life and that they are so willing to help and that I need to change what I am doing to make this work. This person isn’t malicious, they aren’t trying to make me feel a certain way, and they do have love in their hearts. I let so many of my insecurities cloud our relationship and missed out on the joy of what the relationship is.
My son is cared for, he is loved, and he enjoys his time with this person. Yes, it is incredibly frustrating that I am not able to be with my son on a day to day basis and this person makes decisions for him that are completely against what I would do, however, I am able to work and able to bring in an income that allows me to do things with my child and to provide a life for my child filled with experiences. My son will always have the memories of his time with this person and he will always know he is cared for.
All of those instances not only took away my joy, but it clouded the joy my family felt as well. I didn’t want to be responsible for making anyone miserable with my negative outlook and constant complaining. I didn’t feel good and it made everyone else uncomfortable and miserable as well. Life is about so much more than controlling who does what in our lives. It’s about learning to focus on the things that make you feel good and bring joy to yourself and to others.
I feel like making the decision to not post my original piece is also a sign of growth. I’m actually still proud of that piece, but I’m more proud of the fact that I understood what posting that work would mean. It would have destroyed a relationship I may not have been able to fix. Growth is about understanding what you want out of an action before you do it—and taking the actions that align with your intentions and goals. Growth means being proactive, not reactive. Growth means putting aside your personal opinions and frustrations knowing that you are choosing to make a better future, a better relationship with that person.
As frustrating as today may have been, I’m choosing to look at the positives: I have a loving and caring family, I have a steady job, I have employees who care about what they do, I have a healthier relationship with myself (and that is making healthier relationships with others). There are a lot more positives in life than there are negative: choose the positive.