Oh my stubborn brain and it’s desire to maintain the status quo.  I’ve been having a lot of issues at work in regards to staffing, self-esteem, and belief in self—trusting myself is more like it.  Nonetheless, because of these challenges, I’ve been required to do more than usual to an unprecedented level.  As I’ve shared, I have a department with one brand new hire and another department that’s about to be down two staff members.  The reason I share this is because I find myself compelled to do things even if I don’t want to, to prove I’m working, that I’m getting the job done.  So I’m filling in for one department, training a new hire, recruiting for another, balancing opinions of reviews in a third and then my son woke up two nights in a row having thrown up in his bed.  I reached my limit.  I told my husband that I had meetings and an interview today and that my trainee was expecting me as well.  I’m not blaming any one aspect of these things because we can’t help them, but in that moment I knew that I was literally expected to be in four places at once—a pressure that would not be placed on my coworkers. 

Given this followed my epiphany about not needing anyone, I made a plan to handle all the contingencies, knowing my husband couldn’t stay home and that I would have to figure it out.  So I did.  I also realized that I don’t need to be around people who expect me to be in four places at once, especially if they wouldn’t do it themselves or they wouldn’t hold that expectation of others.  I can’t keep up with that.  Physically, the brain doesn’t work that way and the body doesn’t function like that.  It isn’t possible.  So following the realization of how I want to feel, I was given the opportunity to fight it or deal with it or walk away.  It isn’t about maintaining anything anymore—it’s about creating an environment that I want to be in and surrounding myself with people who respect that.  People who don’t need me to prove myself to them.  I am not a superhero and I don’t need to try to be.  It’s ok to let some of those plates fall when it is no longer healthy for us.  And if the people around us only try to add more plates and criticize how fast we are spinning them, then it’s time to walk away.