What Someone Thinks We Need

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I want to talk about getting what we need—I wrote a piece a while back about the feeling that happens when we get what we need and I want to dive more into context around that.  I’ve had the privilege of experiencing some truly loving and giving people in my life.  I’ve witnessed things I wish were within my power to do and I’ve learned to be more generous in specific areas of my life, so I am truly grateful to see the power of being a more loving, open person.  I’ve also witnessed people giving what they think someone needs and expecting something in return.  I’ve seen first hand how this doesn’t work and builds resentment. 

I wrote a piece a long time ago about the people who guilt us with the things they do—they give but with expectation.  Lately there has been a lot of confusion in my relationships about the exchange of energy, things, and what the future looks like.  I’ve learned that people can be generous but that generosity may not serve for much if they aren’t giving what is needed.  If they aren’t giving what is needed, it really isn’t of benefit to the receiver because it is designed to benefit the giver.  It’s like walking in a desert only to find soda at the end.  It will never sustain you.  It’s a temporary hit to dull the need, but that need is always there. 

The act of giving is a beautiful thing but only if it doesn’t have strings attached.  We are communal animals and we appreciate help, and many times we need help whether we admit it or not.  But to hold something over another person’s head when it was within your capacity to give it is not generosity—that is manipulation. This turns the conversation to energy which is ultimately the point.  We need energy and we often seen it in the path of least resistance even if it means taking that energy from someone.  Think about a child acting up:  they don’t care if they are being yelled at, they are getting attention.  This is a similar concept.  It doesn’t matter if we can learn to fill our own cups, if we can make other people do things for us, that gives a false sense of power.  This means we have to be discerning in how we spend our energy and how we refill it as well, which means we need to be aware of the people we surround ourselves with.

Being kind is key.  At the end of the day, we are all looking for the same thing: fulfillment and peace.  Some of us aren’t taught that those are the things we really want so we spend more time doing things to find energy and doing what we THINK someone else wants instead of learning how to communicate and see things from their perspective.  Just because we think someone needs something, they may not need what we have to offer.  And there are times when what we think we need we have to learn to do for ourselves rather than expect it from someone else.  The point is to understand where all of this comes from: it’s to fill a gap/need in energy.  Find the things we need to satiate rather than looking for the temporary fixes.  That is how we fulfill our purpose at the end of the day: learning to recognize our own needs and how to satisfy them.

One thought on “What Someone Thinks We Need

  1. That’s very true. I noticed as I’ve dated that some guys go into how much effort they’ve made and from my perspective I was very grateful and expressed that often, but for whatever reason they didn’t think I was matching their effort. In the end their giving was more for their benefit (hoping to get something in return) than about pleasing the woman they were interested in. And it’s a tricky balance when it comes to that, because you don’t always know if your best isn’t enough or too much for someone, but the right relationship just flows and both people feel appreciated. That’s when you know it’s the right one I suppose.


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