Today I am grateful for a new stage in my life. I feel like a broken record, but it has been a tumultuous year. There have been some amazing moments, no doubt, but I have faced some unbelievable challenges from losing my second child to starting multiple businesses to transitioning in my 9-5. Life isn’t meant to stay the same, that much is clear and I believe. But I have been given many reminders that I am also the one holding myself in this pattern. I’ve been working with a woman on one of my business ventures and she reminded me that many times as we are beginning a new life, we face challenges to see if we really want it. That phrasing annoys me because in many cases it isn’t a matter of how badly I want it—it’s a matter of practicality and the circumstances around me. I’m learning to create boundaries that allow for the things I want while maintaining what I have because (for me at least) a clean cut into a new life isn’t an option right now. I know where I need to give in to the process now. I am grateful to release fear and buy in.
Today I am grateful for wonderful leadership examples around me. Following point one above with a new stage in my life, I was able to virtually attend a conference on Saturday (12/11/21). I’ve held onto some skeptical beliefs about this business, but there is NO denying the power of a group, specifically the group I’ve been lucky enough to be a part of. There is real growth there. That isn’t to say it isn’t work—but it is work that I can stand behind. More importantly, these are people who will stand behind me as well. I’m not used to that kind of support and it feels out of the norm for me. Seeing these people and the levels they have achieved is amazing to me because it shows me that I CAN do something in this and make a new life with the skills and I will be supported. Moreso, there are people in this group who have had odds stacked against them and they are still here—and killing it. No more excuses.
Today I am grateful for the support I mentioned. I confided in my mentor and partner that I wasn’t sure I could do this and that is still one of the blocks I have to getting started in this. She told me to borrow her belief, because she believes I can do it. How beautiful is that? No one has ever spoken to me like that and it feels amazing to have someone see something like that in me. And the truth is, if I can see those things in other people, why can’t I see them in myself? She reminded me it is time to put that belief in myself.
Today I am grateful for breakthrough. The significant epiphany: there are growth opportunities when you put yourself first and you need to take them. it isn’t selfish to address those needs first—it’s necessary. Yes, I promote this but I have been guilty of not practicing my own methods. NOW is the time to do that. I am so grateful to articulate to my husband where my concerns are and what my needs are and what my interpretation of things that are bothering me are. None of that is owned by him, but if we are going to be on the same page, he has to understand where I’m coming from. He is owed the chance to explain himself rather than me accuse him and put my story in his mouth. I am also grateful this means that there are certain parts of my life that I am ready to put behind me—again. This year has been a process of letting go, and letting go, and letting go…just when I think I’m done, there’s more stuff or another pattern or another belief to release. Some days it feels like all of me is falling away. Then I think, perhaps, this undoing is my rebuilding.
Today I am grateful for connection with family. My sister and niece came over today and we discussed our past in a way we haven’t before. It is so important to understand that while you may have a shared history with someone, they may have seen it differently and their experience of that circumstance was different. It was also cathartic to share things that we haven’t before. There are some people that you can only speak to about certain things and it is important to do that. We develop preconceived ideas about people based on the experiences we share with them, but learning to see the other side opens new doorways to healing.
Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.